Making a Change: Karen's Story
'I had some personal issues to sort out: I’m a 37 year old working woman, recently separated from my ex, we lived together for almost 12 years. We were both still sharing the same house though he hardly stayed in the house now. I knew I wanted to move out, change my life and move on but felt blocked and trapped and couldn’t get myself going. I wanted change, I just didn’t know where to start.' Karen.
From my life work I know and believe that people can take charge of their lives and make things happen, says Natalie, if they are motivated to do so.
We go through phases in our lives when we feel it’s time to make a change. Yet as much as we want the change, there seems to be a force that holds us back. This can be simplified and broken down into three elements:
Excuses: We give ourselves lots of “excuses” to justify our decision for inaction. Karen’s excuse was that she didn’t have the time to look for something else, what with the children and work commitments, she was always too busy.
Procrastination: When we want to avoid doing something, we find lots of other things that we decide needs to be done first and so we procrastinate. On a regular basis, Karen had so many other things to do: sort out the car, plan the children’s social activities, emails to catch up on, the gym and lots more. She never “made” the time to start planning for the changes she said she wanted.
Fear: Acronym for False Evidence Appears Real – we often tell ourselves we have fear about something we have not actually acted on, so in essence we’re making up the “fear”. Karen had spent so many years with her partner, that the thought of doing this all on her own was just too scary; she would say to herself “I can't do this alone, I wouldn't know where to start or how to manage on my own...”
What steps can you take to start a process of change?
Identify: What is really going on inside your head, what is stopping you from taking action, what’s holding you back?
Prioritise: Be clear and honest with yourself about what really matters most and what you want to change and make that top of your list.
Commit: Make a commitment to yourself to do what you want to do, to change what you want to change. Make yourself important; make yourself your priority.
Find Your Motivation: No-one ever said we had to “do it alone”. We are taught and guided through our parents and teachers, and our managers and coaches later in life. Identify who is the most supportive and motivational person for you, who will be there for you without judgment, or find yourself an independent life coach who will work with you to ensure you achieve your goals.
Karen’s journey:
Karen came to see me and was very clear about wanting to start a new life yet realised it just wasn’t happening. We addressed the three points above, identifying that her own self-talk and fear was stopping her from taking the first steps to change. She redressed her priorities and planned the other essential activities for the children and herself in such a way that they were much more organised and gave her time to deal with the move she wanted to make happen.
Committing to the life coaching combined with her very strong desire for this change and a new start in her life was her way of getting this going. And it worked; it took Karen just over three months to plan her next step, to find a new place to live, to organise the children and her ex-partner and keep a level of order and routine so that the emotional disruption was minimal.
Yes, it felt scary at first, yet with planning, thinking it through, having support and encouragement without judgment and opinions, Karen quickly realised that she was much more in charge of her life than she had given herself credit for.
Tips for you: Ask yourself …
- What motivates me?
- What is holding me back from taking action right now?
- What thoughts go through my head that keep me where I am instead of moving forward?
- What can I do, right now, and each and every day from now, to start living the life I want and doing the things I want to do?
I believe you can take charge of your life, by taking charge of your thoughts, decisions and actions. When you do this, you will start taking positive steps, and seeing changes happen.
If you feel you can start the process on your own right now, go ahead! You will feel happier and stronger knowing you have done this. If you'd like some help, either to get started or to stay on track, email me at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it or contact Viveka to schedule a time for us to speak.
